To have a home
by RainbowStarcoin
Summary: Blaine starts pushing Kurt away again, because he is afraid that he might hurt him... Set after the end of Glee, when Klaine is already happily married and living in New York together, however that happiness might not last... Rated T to be safe, because of violence.
1. Breaking

Hey guys, it´s been a while but here´s my new story. Hope you enjoy. As always remember English is not my first language.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee or any of it´s characters.

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"It´s happening again!" Kurt exclaims throwing his arms in the air to underline his desperation.

"What?" Blaine asks.

"This! Us arguing about things that are completely irrelevant." Kurt says frustrated.

"We´re not…" Blaine says lamely, knowing it´s exactly what they´re doing.

"Oh, really. You just got mad at me, because I didn´t think that Ewan McGregor´s breakup was the end of the world. What exactly do you call that?" Kurt says angrily, but Blaine knows that his husbands anger is just a façade behind which lies sadness and sad Kurt makes Blaine feel even worse than angry Kurt. Blaine stares at the floor trying to keep a blank face. Kurt takes a deep breath before he speaks.

"Blaine, you don´t have to tell me everything going on in your life, but whatever this is it´s starting to involve our relationship and if we don´t talk I´m afraid we won´t be able to fix this again. So… please let us talk about this…" Kurt says, but Baine doesn´t react.

"This whole being weird thing started with a phone call you received last week, after which you left and didn´t come back for five hours… Am I right?" Kurt goes on, but Baine remains silent.

"If you don´t want to talk… that´s okay, but please let me know if you´re seeing someone else and I´m making a complete fool of myself…" Kurt rants on.

"What? No!" Blaine says finally looking up and seeing the tears in his husband´s eyes. "I´d never cheat on you again!" the shorter man says. Kurt looks at him as if asking "Then who was it you couldn´t tell me you were meeting?"

"It was Cooper…" Blaine says constrained. "Cooper, why would you keep meeting up with your brother a secret?" Kurt asks disbelievingly.

"My mom is in the hospital, because of severe damages…. which…. my father caused… I mean I always knew, that my father is an asshole he´s practically been beating her up since I was born, but I never knew it was like that… you know… that bad. " Blaine says rolling his hands to fists. Kurt looks at him clearly shocked by this revelation, opening and closing his mouth in desperate search for a response to what he just heard.

"Blaine, why didn't you tell me?" Kurt asks finally a tear streaming down his face. Blaine just shrugs his shoulders. When Blaine´s father had been around his mother had always been kind of harsh and uninterested towards Kurt, but when he wasn´t she was smiling brightly at him, as if to show her approval of the guy Blaine had picked. Now Kurt can´t stop himself from thinking about that smile, after all he didn´t know what "severe damages" meant and if they changed anything about Mrs. Anderson´s appearance or if she was still the beautiful woman Kurt remembered…

"You know, that this is not your fault, right?" Kurt asks after a moment of silence.

"I know it´s not my fault, but… You wouldn´t understand…" Blaine exclaims frustrated by his own incompetence to find the right words.

"Then explain it to me." Kurt says softly.

"How?" Blaine thinks "How are you supposed to explain to your husband, that you feel all this anger piling up inside your chest waiting to break out and unfold itself? How are you supposed to explain that there is a certain rage inside of you, that never leaves you alone? How are you supposed to explain, that all you wanna do is vent your wrath on everyone who has ever pulled the trigger inside your head, which makes you unpredictable: your nursery teacher, who told you, that princes are meant to marry princesses, your best friend, who wasn´t your best friend anymore after he knew, that girl who told you that if you needed someone to straighten you out she was available, the quys at the Sadie Hawkins Dance, who beat the living crap out of you, the barista in this little café in Ohio, who kicked you and your boyfriend out and most of all your father, who has never looked at you the same way again, since you told him, that you were gay. And also that stranger, who was wandering the streets of New York on a Friday evening…

" _What did you just say?" Blaine asks shaking the guy by his collar. "Relax, man. It was just a joke." The stranger says confused. "You – don´t – call – someone – a – faggot – as – a – joke-!" Blaine says accentuating every word with a punch into the guy´s face. "What´s wrong with you?" The guy screams bleeding out of his nose and another wound on his forehead, while he´s still being hold tightly by Blaine. "I was talking to my best friend on the phone, who is gay, it´s just a joke." The stranger says still a bit deranged. "Well, it´s not funny." Blaine whispers and then he starts running. He runs for ten minutes along the dark alleys of New York, then he falls down onto the ground in a dark and lonely corner and starts sobbing. His face is covered with tears and blood…_

Blaine is breathing heavily. No, he can´t tell Kurt what he´s feeling. He can´t tell Kurt about this night. The night he heard about his mother´s stay in the hospital. The night he bashed a complete stranger in the middle of New York. The night he realized he had more in common with his father, than he ever wanted to…

"Blaine, what´s going on?" Kurt asks, laying a hand onto his husband´s shoulder. "Don´t touch me!" Blaine snaps, regretting it the moment he sees the tears in Kurt´s eyes, but also thinking that it might be better this way.

"Just leave me alone Kurt!" Blaine says and he could swear he sees Kurt´s heart breaking through his chest, but he can´t help thinking that maybe it´s better this way… for Kurt´s sake.

"What happened? Why are you pushing me away again, Blaine? Why, don´t you trust me anymore? What did I do wrong?" Kurt asks his voice breaking more with every question.

"You did nothing wrong… It´s just… I…" Blaine stammers.

"Then why can´t you look me into the eyes?" Kurt screams in despair.

"Because I don´t want to hurt you…" Blaine screams back. Darting around at the same time, waving his arms and accidently punching Kurt in the process, who falls back against the table and hits his head. Blaine looks down at his hands in shock. Kurt stares at him in disbelief slowly realizing what Blaine couldn´t tell him.

"Kurt, you are bleeding…" Blaine says tears streaming down his face.

"It´s okay." Kurt says holding the wound on his forehead. "No, it´s not. I… I hit you… I hit you Kurt… I hit my husband." Blaine says shaking.

"Is that what you couldn´t tell me, that you are afraid you could be like your father…?" Kurt asks looking softly at Blaine. Baine doesn´t answer, but his teary eyes say everything.

"You are not your father Blaine!" Kurt says determined.

"What if I am? How would you know?" Blaine asks.

"Because I know you, Blaine!"

"Maybe you don´t know me as well as you think…"

"I know you better."

"I´m sorry." Blaine says looking lovingly at Kurt. "But I can´t do this… I can´t do this to us… I´d rather leave while you still love me." He says grabbing his keys and his jacket. Then he walks towards the door breathing heavily. Suddenly he turns around again fiddling around with his hands. He lays a silver wedding ring on the table. "I don´t deserve this." He says. Kurt gasps for air still not quite believing what is happening. "Blaine, don´t leave." He breathes, but it´s too late, his husband has already closed the door behind him.

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Thanks for reading. I´m planning at least two more chapters, so I hope you enjoy this storyline.


	2. Mending

Hey guys,

long time no see. I´m sorry for not publishing this sooner, but I was busy af. However... there you have it... finally... the second chapter to "To have a home". As always please note: 1. I don´t own Glee or any of it´s characters and 2. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

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"Blaine, Kurt is my best friend I really don´t know how long I can keep this up. You need to tell him that you are couch surfing with Sam and me." Mercedes sighs.

"I can´t and you won´t either. I´m sorry if I am an inconvenience. If you´d rather not have me here I can leave. Really it´s no problem. I understand it puts you in a difficult position with Kurt." Blaine says looking to the floor.

"That is not what I meant. You can stay as long as you want. I just wish you´d be sorting things out with Kurt. You guys are married after all and even if you´re not ready to speak to him quite yet at least let me tell him, that you are okay. He is worried beyond belief." Mercedes says.

"Seriously dude Kurt deserves to know and the way I see it neither of you is gaining anything from being apart." Sam now adds to the conversation. Blaine has been staying with his best friend and Mercedes for two weeks now. Kurt hasn´t heard anything from him since the night he left their apartment. Blaine just wasn´t able to talk to his husband himself and therefor asked Sam and Mercedes, who were the only ones who knew where he was, not to say anything.

"From what Mercedes tells me Kurt is just as miserable as you are."

"Sam is right, Blaine. Neither of you are eating anything nor sleeping. This needs to stop. He misses you…"

"I hit him, Mercedes. I am just like my father. It´s a part of me and I´m… I´m just so afraid I´ll hurt him even more the next time." Blaine´s voice breaks.

"You are hurting him by not being with him." Mercedes says almost sounding angry.

"He is better of without me and actually he should be pissed at me." Blaine whispers.

"Don´t you think he is? Of course, he is pissed. He is freaking mad, but not because you´ve hit him. It was an accident. He is mad because you left and you haven´t spoken to him since then. You haven´t even texted him to let him know that you are okay. So yes, he is mad Blaine and rightfully so, but above all he is worried." Mercedes says desperate for Blaine to understand.

"I just can´t stop thinking that I am a bad person." Blaine says tears in his eyes.

"You are a very good person, that bad things have happened to." Sam says seriously making Blaine chuckle because of the Harry Potter reference.

"See!" Sam says grinning." When was the last time you have actually laughed?"

"When Kurt was singing karaoke to "My heart will go on". "Blaine smiles fondly, but after a few seconds the smile fades away and is replaced by tears streaming down Blaine´s face. "The two of you are right. My life was so much better with Kurt in it but I´m not sure if I can be the husband he deserves." Blaine sobs. Mercedes hugs him tightly.

"Kurt will forgive you. You just have to forgive yourself." She whispers.

"He still deserves better." Blaine says quietly.

"And where would he find anyone better than you?" Sam asks.

"Blaine, listen to people who love you. You are nothing like your father. You are kind and loving and dapper." Mercedes says grinning. "And Kurt loves you. You two make each other happy, always have, always will. And the rest of it, well life sucks sometimes. We all have problems we wish we didn´t, but when I recall this correctly when you were with Kurt life didn´t suck as much as it does now, did it?"

Blaine smiles genuinely "That might be true, but it´s too late I don´t think he´ll come back to me. Not this time. I´ve let him down too many times."

"Don´t give up on yourself, dude. Fight for him." Sam says.

"And how the hell am I going to that?" Blaine sighs.

"The best way you know how… in song!" Mercedes says squeezing his arms tightly.

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That´s it for now, but I will hopefully be able to share the next and last chapter with you soon. Thanks for reading so far.


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